The first time I was invited to speak to single ladies at a seminar, I said, “Yes!”—not because I was ready, but because it was too good a chance to pass up as someone that has always dreamt of been a motivational speaker and impacting on people especially ladies. (Success, no matter how long you’ve waited for it, always comes before you’re ready for it.) Then I freaked out. “I can’t do it. I’ll open my mouth and nothing will come out. I’m not too good, and so on. But by this time I knew a thing or two. So I made a resolution—the very rare kind that really is
written in blood: “I will not, repeat, will not sabotage myself, no matter much I may want to.”
I got everything ready—the clothes I would wear, my plans for what I was going to say. Then I was hysterical for two days before the show. On the big day, I pulled myself together, walked in, carried it off almost as smoothly as an old pro, thanked everyone (they were very impressed), went home and got hysterical again. Nobody who watched the show ever knew that it was my first speaking in public with that popularity.
There are two tricks to faking it.
The second trick is costumes. Every actor and actress knows that getting into costume is a tremendous aid to getting into a role and that there’s a huge difference between the last rehearsal in jeans and leotards and the first one in full dress. You can do the same thing. If you are now, by definition, a doctor, lawyer, wilderness guide, salesman, businesswoman, executive, or college teacher—that is if you’re doing the thing—dress the part even if you don’t feel like it.
I know two former college roommates, now both successful—one a lawyer, the other an executive—who made the mistake of waiting until they felt self-confident in their professional roles to start dressing for them. They may actually have slowed down their careers because dressing like a college kid or a stay-at-home mother creates a vicious cycle: it provokes the people you work with to treat you as someone not quite grown up or serious, and you’ll respond in kind. On the other hand, something magical happens when you look in the mirror and see someone you don’t recognize as ordinary you. (By the way, there’s an “ordinary me” hiding behind the confident face of every celebrity, bar none.) Even if you still feel ordinary inside, believe me, the ham in you will rise to the occasion.
Note: The days when you least feel like dressing for the part are the days when you absolutely must do it. For two reasons. One: When you’re feeling great, you can look rotten and nobody will notice because you’ll be so radiant. When you’re feeling down, you need outside help. Two: if you drag yourself
groaning to the mirror and get your makeup on or your tie straight, you’ll start feeling better.
Sooner or later, the day will come for you that came for me: I’d bought a dress to fool everybody . . . and I put it on . . . and suddenly I realized that the only person I’d been fooling was myself. I belonged in that dress.
1. Until You Get Used to It.
When you reach this point, you’ve really arrived. You’ll wake up one day and realize that you are living a version of the Ideal Day you dreamed about all those months or years ago when you first started moving. It may or may not be just the way you imagined it, but in one crucial respect it’s different—and better: this is real. There’s something else that’s better about it, too. You’re not alone, the way you once feared you would be. On the contrary, you have to take the phone off the hook every once in a while to get some peace. Success is sexy. It puts roses in your cheeks, a swing in your stride, and warmth and enthusiasm in your presence that people can’t resist. If you ever notice that someone you care about is feeling left behind, don’t feel guilty. Grab that person, say, “Stop crying in your beer, get up out of that chair and come with me! I want your company. If I did it, believe me, you can. I’ll help.”
At this point, it is also in the nature of the human animal to say, “What next?” Remember, I told you that when you had attained self-confidence in one thing, you would start looking around for something new to do in which you would have no self-confidence. But you’ve got something much more important than self-confidence now. You’ve got experience and skills. You have learned how to learn, you have gained mastery of things.
Look at the next five years on your planning wall. Are you ready for the next goal? Do you still want to run a printing press, or would you rather study the Spanish Civil War? Do you want to go on running a business or would you like to be a beachcomber for a while? The shape of things has changed. Your efforts have changed it. So what about the shape of things to come? What would you like to do now?
What I always do is imagine a new Ideal Day, in detail and in full colour. It is always completely different from the last one, and often quite the opposite of the life I’m living. That helps me set my course for the next two years.
You’ve discovered the ultimate secret all winners know: that “the journey, not the arrival, matters.” Being on your path is what it’s all about. Each destination you reach only opens out into wider horizons, new and undiscovered countries for you to explore.
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