SURROUND YOURSELF WITH POSITIVE FRIENDS

Build a Healthy New Relationship...

Make friends with people you admire for various reasons: because they are happy, kind, generous, successful at work, or successful in other ways. Join forces with those who have achieved things you want to achieve, or who are on their way to a common goal. Don't let jealousy get in your way: nobody's success is a threat to yours.

·         When making friends with someone, ask yourself if the person makes you feel motivated, positive, and confident, or if they make you feel tired, overwhelmed, or incompetent. Choose to spend time with the positive people, not the ones sucking your energy.

·         If you have friends or family members who always make you feel bad about yourself, limit the time you spend with them. Also, make sure to identify relationships that are not helping you to move towards your goals, that stress you out, or that require too much of your time and energy without being reciprocal.

·         Look for mentors among the people you admire. If you think you could learn from someone, ask for their advice.

Are you lucky enough to enjoy healthy and happy relationships with lots of lovely friends? Or do you feel lonely, or stuck with people who just drag you down? We reveal how to build healthy relationships with positive people.

And sometimes the people we do know and spend time with aren’t always good for us. As a new mum, it’s important to spend time with positive, supportive people, who can ease your journey into your new life and help you avoid future regrets.

But often as we go through life we fall into relationships with people who aren’t necessarily healthy for us, and it can be hard to extract ourselves from them.

How do you build healthy new relationships?

So how do we strike out and build new relationships with people? And just as importantly, move away from negative relationships that we may feel trapped in – relationships that suck the positive energy from our life and prevent us from building better relationships and having that passions to strife harder to achieve success.

Career management coach and corporate trainer Jane Jackson shares her advice on building healthier relationships with positive people.

The first place to start looking is in you!

Do you spend the majority of your time in the wrong relationship, or on activities that take you away from good relationships? If so, you may be trapped in a cycle of temporary friendships and superficial relationships that are briefly exciting but meaningless.

But while you may recognise that the people in your life aren’t always good for you, what can you do about it? How can you build positive, lasting relationships?

Where do you find great friends who can be ‘the wind beneath our wings’ – people who love and support us through good times and tough times? Friends to share your exciting and sometimes scary journey as a mum?

The first place you need to look, maybe surprisingly, is in yourself. 

 

Are you comfortable with yourself?

You see, it’s impossible to have a healthy relationship with someone else if you’re not genuinely comfortable with yourself. One big reason for this is because when you remove yourself from negative relationships and people who drag you down, you’ll often spend more time on your own for a while.

But if you fear solitude, you risk staying in situations, or with people who may not be good for you. For you to be comfortable with your friends, you have to be happy with yourself, knowing fully well that you, with the help of your friends will achieve insanely success.

Are you worried you’re not good enough?

If you don’t fully value yourself, you also risk not being your authentic self with others, as you’ll be worried the real you is not good enough. Instead you’ll crave external validation of who you are, and that you’re ‘okay’ by being what you think others want to see.

This can create a vicious cycle that takes you away from the feeling of peace that comes from accepting that you are ‘enough’. Enough in your own eyes is the best place to start – from there you can build positive relationships with those who appreciate you for who you really are and ready to walk with you down that tricky road to success.

Are you happy spending time alone?

But what does being comfortable with yourself mean? It means being happy to spend time alone, relishing the freedom of simply reading, writing, learning a new skill, or doing anything you enjoy.

Getting lost in the moment while enjoying simple pleasures is amazing for your soul, because when you learn to enjoy solitude you won’t need to have people around just for the sake of not being alone. And instead, you can take the time to seek out people who genuinely add something positive to your life.

Reach out to good people you know 

Once you’ve built a solid personal foundation and are truly comfortable with yourself, you can start to build positive new relationships with people.

I’ve found that the Universe rewards positive action – you get what you give eventually. And to rebuild your life positively you need to act!

Be interested in others

Another way to lay the foundations of a healthy relationship is to take a genuine interest in the new people you meet. When you help others, they will usually want to help you too – kindness begets kindness.

So think who you can help today. Who can benefit from your skills, knowledge and experience? Who will appreciate your time, thoughts and company? Who do you want to build a tentative new friendship with? And what can you do that will make them feel good or valued?

Being interested in others can also be as simple as just taking the time to ask about them. Remember the things that are important to them, and find out what they care about – ask questions and really listen to the answers.

Not only does reaching out to help others without thought of your own gains instigate a positive chain reaction, but it stops you focusing on yourself, and your problems and worries – ultimately helping to put them in a healthier perspective.

Interest isn’t a one-way street, either. Genuinely nice people will care just as much about you and your interests – they’ll want to talk about things you’re interested in, and go out of their way to help you if you need it.

Join a group or association

The quickest and easiest way to meet people who love what you love is to join an association or group that offers what you enjoy.

So whether you have a passion for a sporting activity, artistic venture, book discussions, music, cooking, IT, spirituality, or walking, find a local group to join. Not only will you feed your soul by doing something for yourself that you enjoy, but you will meet others who also share your interests and passions.

(If you struggle to identify a passion or interest in your life, think back to when you were a child and were naturally drawn to activities. What did you love doing then? What filled you with joy – not necessarily because you were good at it, but simply because you loved doing it?)

Start building healthy new relationships today!

So if you feel lonely, or are concerned that the relationships in your life aren’t as positive and healthy as you’d like, start doing something about it today!

Be brave and take that first step to making your life the one YOU want to live – enjoy happy, healthy relationships with like-minded people, and start having fun again.

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